Bad news. It seems that even if you have your five a day, that fresh food such as fruit and vegetables will not stop you getting cancer. A study of almost half a million Europeans suggests that even if you continuously stuff your face with the things that will come to nothing if your cells decide to start mutating. I could have told you that all along – when politicians pontificate about the health benefits of vegetables you can only guess at what sort of back hander they are getting and whence they are getting it.

Remember when Edwina Curry said that eggs were bad for you and give you salmonella – if I remember rightly she got the sack from her position at the time.

However there's a thought. Fruit, politicians. Politicians, fruit. There is at least one good use for fruit of which I can still think.

Throw them at politicians!