Old Faithful is a well known geyser in Calistoga, Califorinia (there is another one in Wyoming, yes) but although this picture was taken in the same State it was the result of a completely different movement.  Some poor motorist got more than they bargained for when they drove in to the shopping mall.  At least the car got a good clean though.

I know that a picture of me does not seem very interesting, but bear with me here. There is a reason for the mugshot on the left. With a hop skip and a jump I was able to pop my picture in to the remarkable piece of film below. And again - watch it until you say GOSH! (or whatever you say when you are surprised). More information below the clip!  You will want to play around with this for a long time, guaranteed!


This project is known as The Hero - A Movie About You or Someone You Know and was made to persuade Swedish people that it was a very good idea for them to pay for their TV fee! From there it has spread around the world - and now it's your turn to have some fun!

All you have to do is click here (or use the link on the movie above) and you can upload your own picture - then you will have the option to send it as an email, post it on to Facebook or, like I have just done, blog about possibly the cleverest website ever!

If you want more of an explanation, click the link below!

Click here for more info

ReadWriteWeb has recently published this extremely interesting article about what might happen to the Internet in the future.  Of course, like any predictions, these may not come to pass - but it certainly makes for interesting reading at the moment.  Contrary to popular opinion, most experts do not predict the formation of an idiocracy thanks to the Internet - the hope is that it will help develop culture, language and society in general. Only time will tell - see if you agree with their predictions by following the link below.

Source: Business Pundit

A change in perspective can change everything.  tells a single story from four different perspectives – which you can flip around as often and as quickly as you wish.  It is the story of a heist at an art gallery.  Only when you have seen the story from all four perspectives can you fully understand what has happened.  Alternatively you may get another story entirely – it is pretty much the luck of the draw.  The flash animation and video integration on this site is quite remarkable given what is being done here.  You could think of this working in a similar way to the TV series 23 but in this case it is you who moves the screens around, not the TV executive.  of what imagination can do to push the boundaries of Web 2.

This is just good old fashioned fun, but all thanks to the wonderful advances of flash technology. 

It is the website of a world famous producer of denim clothing but that is irrelevant when you get to the fun part – you unzip the model’s coat and that leads you to different screens where you can drag him this way and that – and the poor old chap has to follow whatever you do with your mouse. 

Only a few years ago this sort of online experience would not have been possible – and it may be fairly mindless.  Do we care?

Drag the Model Around

You heard them on your holidays and brought them back home with you.  Then, local clubs would pick up on the tunes and play them as well.  You never thought you would hear them again and they come back to haunt you time and time again.  takes a look at these .  My own personal favorite has to be the Ketchup Song as it brings back fabulous memories of my time in Barcelona a few years ago.  I was lucky enough to go around the Easter time and the street parties were fabulous.

This collection comes with links to YouTube videos of all the songs involved - and if you have some time to while away is a fun way of doing just that.

One I remember particularly was around the corner from the hotel where myself and friends were staying.  The roads were blocked off in the neighborhood and it was obviously a private local affair.  We lingered at the periphery a while and were just about to go when a big old Spanish lady came up and beckoned us in. We had the time of our lives and the best memory I have of that evening is doing the with the Spanish Senoritas!

Are you ever watching a film or a TV series and you see an actor and you think I know him but I just can't put my finger on his name?  Well, help is at hand.  Over at there is a huge list of character actors (with their pictures) who collectively have made thousands of appearances over the years in minor or subsidiary roles in the moving media.  Now you don't have to wonder who they are anymore - this marvellous directory will take you to a full filmography of each one.  This site comes with a warning, however.  There are so many familiar faces here that you can easily spend hours looking up your favorites.  Oh well, never mind!  Go for it!

Character Actors

Kids!  Huh!  Always hanging around on street corners and creating graffiti everywhere they go....!  We have all heard - or thought - words similar to this but to be frank graffiti has been with us a long time. It certainly cannot be described in any way, shape or form as a contemporary issue.

We know that the people of Pompeii were prone to a little street scribbling and as for the pyramids - well, every Tom, Dick and Harry in history has put their mark there.

One place that not too many know about in terms of graffiti is the castle of Chinon (the slender clocktower pictured on the left).  The Knights Templar left their own - there in the fourteenth century.

Our resident expert on all things Gallic, ,  takes us through the story.

Yes, we are probably all aware that it is now the Chinese Year of the Tiger.  However, if you really want to get the message across to your customers that the New Year is time to buy, then why not take a leaf out of this particular book.  It seems that the proprietor of this Taiwan clothes shop was so keen to celebrate that he got quite carried away.  And why not?  There is always room for one more slightly mad person on this planet.

It seems that Humphrey Bogart did not get off to a brilliant start in life when it comes to alcohol as both of his parents were hard drinkers.  However, he does seem to be one of those few Hollywood stars who could pull of heavy drinking - making almost an art form of it.

This interesting article looks at his life, awash as it was with alcohol and is a very interesting read indeed.  Boy oh boy could this guy put it away. 

He once said that if everyone in the world had three shots then it would probably be a much nicer place - something that it is difficult to argue with when you realise he was talking during the Cold War when nuclear annihilation might only be a few scotches away (and then we would have been well and truly on the rocks, forgive the poor humor).

You have to hand it to the guy.  While reluctant to approve of his enormous intake anyone whose last words are “I never should have switched from scotch to martinis,”  is pretty cool in our books!

Three Drinks Ahead With Humphrey Bogart

Africa.  Whoever visits this vast continent always returns with memories that last forever.  So it is with who visited Africa in the eighties and often remisces about the times that she spent there.  Luckily enough she has put pen to paper (or fingers to QWERTY keyboard) so we can share her memories of the two years that she spent there.  Here, she tells us about the places she saw in to be exact.  The Hoggar above is a place she tells us about - but to us it looks suspiciously like an alien landing site - or have we just been watching too many movies?

Many people find it difficult to get excited anymore about mankind's forays in to space.  I often feel that I have been born a generation or two too early as there is nothing more I would love to do than get up there!  Unfortunately at the moment the collective income of Webphemera Towers may just get us a wet weekend in Wigan for our next jaunt - but certainly not outer space.

This amazing picture was taken yesterday as the International Space Station floated above the Sahara Desert.  This is the room with a view that has been featured on the news a lot recently and here the pilot of Endeavor, Terry Virts opened each of the windows (the shields on them, I am guessing rather than the window itself!).  This image was then tweeted back to earth by one of the astronauts that had helped install it.  Wonderful.

OK, what - and who - can you spot in this video?  Plenty of work that you may recognize but what you may not know is that they were created by a third party - Blur Studio.  When you think of state of the art animation then people normally think of Pixar or Disney.  Blur Studio on the other hand hardly ever gets a mention but they have been nominated for an Oscar for their work.

They were founded fifteen years ago and they create animation, visual effects and design for a number of clients - all of which you will most definitely have heard from.  This is their Showreel for their most recent work.  What (and who) can you spot?  Hold on tight - this is one heck of a roller coaster ride!  So, start counting... you will be surprised how many familiar scenes appear - and this showreel is an amazing collage of what Blur Studios have done over the last year or so.  Awesome!

Have you ever wanted to develop your own internet based arcade games? Many would like to but what stops them is the dreaded word programming. In terms of scripting languages the letters php can strike almost immediate fear in to the faint hearted. However, what if you could create an online arcade in a way that Knowledge of php is NOT required?

is exactly what you are looking for if that is the case. With this amazing software you can make a website that will become the fully featured flash games arcade of choice for your friends and family. They will quickly recommend it to others and before you know it you may have a hugely successful website from which you make money.

Another cool thing about is that it already comes with over 3,000 games. That is more than enough to keep anyone happy for a year or two! These games do not have to remain as they are, though – you can make any customization to the games that you are like as they are all 100% un-encoded.
Joining the had other advantages – and that isn’t just because it has Free Support and Upgrades for LIFE. There is a huge community there who help each other out in terms of advice and guidance. They also give loads of great tips about modifications to the arcade games which will give you an advantage in the marketplace (even though you can just keep your arcade between you, your friends and family.

There are many other excellent features of such as the choice of multiple templates so you can switch easily between them for your site(s).  Here is just one of the may examples available on the left. 

There is also a comment spam feature that comes with the software but one of the best features is that it comes with built in SEO – Search Engine Optimisation. That means that once you are up and running you will already have lots of search engine friendly links on your site.

Other great features of include a friends and members facility to help encourage registration and return visits to your site and real time statistics that are always up to date – your users will be in competition with each other to get to the number one spot almost at once.

See our tutorial guide at which goes through the whole process from installation to marketing your arcade.

Have you ever had the same sort of problems with Internet Explorer 6 as we have?

Then you will find this comic strip really amusing or at least it will resonate with you if you have completely lost any sense of humor when it comes to this most errant of all of Microsoft's illegitimate children.

It is written and drawn by Brad Colbow who lives and works in Cleveland, Ohio.  As well as being an uber talented artist he is the creator of a weekly web comic, called The Brads, which is about the trials and tribulations of two web designers who attempt to create a startup company.

The Life, Times (and Death?) of Internet Explorer 6 (Comic Strip) - Smashing Magazine

It is strange how many children today are taken aback (if not aghast) at the position women have held in society throughout history.  However, many have redoubtable spirits and during the Enlightenment period there were many who had no fear when it came to standing up and being counted.

This cool article by focuses on a few, particularly Margaret Cavendish, one of the great debaters of the period.  It is odd in a way that the period was called the Enlightenment as she and her fellows must have had a daily struggle simply to have themselves taken seriously. 

It still happens today - this article has itself been slaughtered by the trolls over at reddit - for no apparent reason other than the fact that Lauren is a woman.  Some regressive behavior, it seems, cannot simply be trained away.  Take a look at the article and make your own mind up!

Enlightenment: The Role of Women in Society | Socyberty

If you are like us here at Webphemera Towers then you  have to be in a particular mood in order to want to peruse enormous amounts of facts and figures.  However, the statistics for the Internet always make for fascinating reading, especially when you have been surfing it for as long as we have.  Why, it seems only yesterday that a pie chart of Internet users would have the USA dominating the cake - with 99.9 percent (OK, that's an exaggeration) of users coming from the States.

Sometimes, though, the lists are out of date but this is about the most contemporary one you are going to find.  It covers last year - and boy it is quite an eye-opener.  Go take a look- everyone will find something of use here, particularly those of you still at High School who are doing projects on the subject.  The age of the European is over, at least in terms of the Internet.

Internet 2009 in numbers | Royal Pingdom

If you are like me and have a family that are always growing out of T-shirts you will be always on the look out for great deals, without compromising on the quality of the products that you buy.

I recently found a wonderful site that specializes in custom T-shirts and thought I would share it with you.

One thing I love about them, apart from the quality and prices of their products is that they have links to YouTube videos showing you exactly how they go about making their custom T-shirts, so you can see the process from start to finish.

Not only do Bender Shirts offer you great choice at fantastic prices, you can also opt for custom screen printing as well.  So if you belong to a club, society, school (well anything really) you can have your own T-shirts made with their custom screen printing.

Their custom T-shirts and custom screen printing deals are brilliant!

Go and take a look at the site - and you can send me that thank you email later!  The pictures here are from their site to give you an idea what they do.

Sonata is an animated short film about a brief and fleeting moment in a man's life. It is one that male readers of Webphemera are sure to recognize.  It is that moment when you must face your fears and doubts and decide whether or not to take a chance. This wonderful short is all about that moment in one man's life.

This was a final thesis for Ryan McDougal while attending Vancouver Film School. He created everything from script to finished film. The music is by Yann Tierson and can be found on the soundtrack for the French movie Amélie. It is entitled: "Comptine d'un autre été: l'après-midi". In the final version of this film, due to usage rights, a separate piece of music was specifically composed for the film.

Every year Menton in France holds the “Fete du Citron” carnival.  This is also known as Lemon Festival - well there's a surprise. Thousands of lemons are used to construct animals and tableaux, often accompanied by oranges for a little variation in color.  The festival happens each February and attracts hundreds of thousands of visitors.  Take a look by following the link below.

Did you know that the tradition of connecting wedding anniversaries with certain materials or metals came from medieval Germany?  Life wasn’t quite so long then so when a couple got to twenty five years then the wife was given a silver wreath by her neighbours.  That’s all very well, of course but these days thinking of an anniversary gifts can be something of a head scratcher.

First of all the idea of the neighbourhood all contributing is pretty much out of te window and so when you are trying to think of anniversary gifts you have to come up with something quite original – especially if you are the spouses involved!

Then there is the never ending (or so it seems) traditional anniversary gifts.  Often it is difficult to think which type of gift corresponds to which year – let alone starting to think of the anniversary gifts themselves.  My solution is to let the internet do all the hard work.

When you have to get ideas for anniversary gifts quickly – and in my case it is usually very quickly as I am terrible at remembering dates then to get some ideas for anniversary gifts I always use the same website where there are thousands of ideas for and over a million products to chose, from all the best retailers.  Give it a go!

Sunbeams are all around us and we can take them for granted. In a certain light, however, there can be something rather magical about them and they can make a mundane every day seem in to something that looks special or even spectatcular.  Catching them on camera - deliberately - is often a difficult and time consuming task but the results can be amzaing.  Take a look at this collection of incredible crepuscular rays - the wonder of sunbeams caught on camera.

Incredible Crepuscular Rays – Sunbeams Caught on Camera | Quazen

Birthdays can be great for those of us who are celebrating them but spare a thought for those who must come up with birthday gift ideas.  Let’s face it, they have known you for years and they know what you like.  However, in a kind of reverse logic this often makes it more difficult to come up with birthday gift ideas than if they were buying a gift for a complete stranger.

Other times it is difficult to come up with great birthday gift ideas because the person you are going to give the gift already has so many of the things you can think of!  This is when you need to get a little help from websites to find the birthday gift ideas.  If you are looking for something unique, you sometimes need a little help.  After all, when you are juggling so many other things in your life then often the inspiration  you need when it comes to birthday gift ideas just won’t come along.  You need a eureka moment and using the internet is often the best way to arrive at that moment.

What I always try to do is to get on the internet to look for birthday gift ideas.  Why?  Well, I often don’t have the time to go to the Mall and spend hours looking around in the vague hope that I will find something ideal for the birthday boy or girl.  Plus, doing it at home is a lot more peaceful!  I can concentrate much more on the task at hand and quite often that perfect will just come in to view.  You know the moment it happens – it’s when you think why didn’t I think of that!

Urbex - or Urban Exploration is an activity that has really taken off over the last few years.  However, many of the newbies who attempt this interesting hobby are unaware that there are rules and regulations that they should follow in order to get it right. This article is a showcase really for the amazing pictures these intrepid photographers take but it also follows the rules that they should follow too.  So if you are considering this activity - then read on.  If you are looking for some fantastic images - then gaze on!

Urbex – The Art of Urban Exploration @ Kuriositas

If your knoweldge of gargoyles is mainly informed by a certain Disney film - The Hunchback of Notre Dame - then you may well have it wrong on a number of scores.  For a start the gargoyles in the Disney film are actually grotesques - there is a definite and not so fine line between the two.

Furthermore those featured in the Disney film (based on real grotesques at Notre Dame in Paris) are in fact reproductions.  The original medieval ones were so decayed that they were replaced in the eighteenth century.  However, gargoyles themselves have a certain fascination for many - each of them has its own meaning.

This piece looks in to that and - with the help of some marvellous pictures - explains the gargoyle hierarchy and what they represent.

Gargoyles – Glorious Gruesome Grotesques | Quazen

(In case you didn't know the Tatars are a large ethnic minority in Russia, numbering over five million there.  They also live in many of the other former Soviet Republics such as Uzbekhistan and Ukraine).

There is very little chance, if you are a dog lover like me, that you will agree with every single breed on this list as it covers dogs both large and small.  Myself, I like dogs big - the bigger the better as the bigger they get the dafter they seem to be.  That fits in with my idea of what a great dog should be - big and daft - but also clever too.  It isn't that I can't be doing with little dogs - each to their own as it were - but as I am a clumsy kind of guy I think I would always be worrying that I would inadvertantly welly one over to the other side of the room because I just hadn't noticed it.  Anyway, take a look at this list compiled by and see if you agree with it - and whether your own personal favorite has made it!

The World’s Coolest Yet Affectionate Pet Dogs | The Real Owner

I’ve lost all my work!  This is a cry I have heard so many times and my usual reply is ‘did you do a backup?’.  You can probably make a guess as to the general answer.  So many people lose their treasured words and pictures – often amounting to everything they have on their machine – because they overlook to back up their work.  Thank goodness then for a simple and easy Online Backup.

Most people lose their stuff (and I will call it that because although for me it is words and pictures that I would lose if I failed to do a backup many people have a couple of year’s worth of music files on their laptop or PC) for two reasons.  Either they forget or delay doing one or (and let’s be honest here) they are a little afraid of the technical processes involved in a backup and have never had any training.  An Online Backup helps out here – to an extent where you will never have to worry about the safety of your files again. 

IDrive is an Online Backup that takes the threat of your machine going pop on you away.  What is more it doesn’t just cover PCs – it is available for the Mac, iPhones and blackberries.  Guess what, too?  You don’t have to be an IT wizard to learn how to use it.  IDrive has lots of video demos showing you how to get started (no one ever taught you how to do a backup, did they?) and it is so easy to use your Grandmother could do it.  I don’t want to disparage grandmothers in general, of course – it is just that if I had said a child could do it then you would have just shrugged your shoulders – kids seem to be able to do anything connected with a computer these days!

If you are a little old fashioned and don’t go for video tutorials (which are great) then IDrive has a downloadable user guide for you to print off – win, win in my books.  Using an Online Backup also means that you do not have to worry about any of your equipment failing - you can access you Online Backup from any PC as long as it has an Internet connection.

What is more, IDrive offers 2 gigabytes of storage free and if that isn’t enough you can sign up for their 150 gigabyte plan for less than five dollars a month.  If you think about what that can buy you these days, then you soon realise that this Online Backup system is something of a bargain.  Everything is completely secure – you even get your own password which isn’t stored on IDrive’s servers.

Using an Online Backup is ideal for small businesses or if you have large backup needs (who doesn’t these days?).    Take a look at IDrive now before you forget!

Good news from the land of song.  The Welsh are about to launch the world's first hydrogen highway - which has a great ring to it.  However, when I first heard this I did wonder what on earth that meant after all - it sounds like someting out of science fiction.The Daleks would dream something like this up, no doubt.

However, this article goes a long way to explaining it.  What it (written by EvisT, who lives in the heart of Welsh Wales) does very well is explain how and why hydrogen is used for fuel (and it makes a complicated piece of science understandable to a dimwit like me, which is good!).  It also asks the question whether hydrogen is the future - to read more, click the link below.

Wales to Launch UK's First Hydrogen Highway, But Is Hydrogen Fuel the Way Forwards? 

It may be a little late for this year, but could there possibly be any more romantic a Valentine’s Day destination than an island shaped like a heart?  You may not think such a place exists but thanks to satellite and aerial photography we can now see them for ourselves.

Our first destination is the tiny island of Galesnjak off the coast of Croatia.  It was only recently that Google Earth revealed its true shape and since then – as you can imagine – it has become a destination for the loved up of the Adriatic.  However, you may have to be a tad wealthy.  The uninhabited island can only be reached by chartered boat – plus you have to get permission from the owner.  So a weekend for two will probably cost you the major part of ten thousand Euros.  That is getting on for fourteen thousand US dollars.  Ouch.

Possibly cheaper but by no means any more accessible is the tiny island of Tavarua in Fiji.  An absolutely beautiful coral island, you couldn’t get any more romantic than this.  As you can see from the picture, it is so small that the bures (beach huts) are visibly taking up a good percentage of its area.  Again, you may have to have a tidy sum in your bank account.  Flying from the west coast of the US you will pay over three thousand dollars for a seven night stay.  Worth every cent.

While not exactly an island, Heat Reef in the Whitsunday Islands off the coast of Australia deserves a mention here.  There is no way you are getting on that island but you can go for a snorkel around it.  If you can afford to get to Australia, then there is no better way of seeing the place from the air.  A helicopter flight will set you back around ninety dollars.  Worth every cent.

Finally in Taipei you can find the heart shaped lagoon above.  Was it man made or is this how nature intended?  Man made as it happens.  It was finished in 2004 and is known as the Guandu or double heart Wetland.  Romance is not dead, after all.

The Volcanic Seven Summits | Scienceray

A strange man builds a world using holographic tools for the woman he loves.

This award winning short was created by filmmaker Bruce Branit, widely known as the co-creator of '405'. World Builder was shot in a single day followed by about 2 years of post production. Branit is the owner of Branit VFX based in Kansas City.

Some stories are older than you may think.  Take Babes in the Wood for example.  You may think that it is maybe a few hundred years old but its history goes back - way back - almost twelve hundred years.  takes a look at the tale and diggs down in to its history.  We think you will enjoy this fascinating piece of literary history - but don't have nightmares!

True History of The Babes in The Wood | Socyberty

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Boston.com continues to host just about the best photojournalism on the planet and this recent entry of over forty pictures depicts the India of 2010, vibrant, colorful and teeming with life. The pictures are absolutely stunning and are presented very much in the Life tradition - that is, large with only a few lines of text to describe each.  A must see.

Colorful India - Boston.com

This is the story of OEDIPUS in eight minutes performed by vegetables in the tradition of BEN-HUR. It features a potato, a tomato, broccoli, garlic, and Billy Dee Williams as the Bartender. 

It was part of the official Selection more than seventy film festivals including Sundance and it took a volunteer crew of more than one hundred people to bring it all together.  It was worth it - it's hilarious!

If you are ever so slightly concerned about the world ending on 12/21/12 then please don't be.  Take a look at the article linked below and you will be somewhat relieved to find that you are not going to die - as well as the rest of the world.  Actually, that's not quite true.  When we talk about the end of the world we invariably only mean the end of our species.  In the big scheme of things it's pretty surprising that it hasn't happened already.  Besides, if it is going to happen and it is out of our control, then it is going to happen.

Anywa, the apocalypse is not around the corner - well, it is as much as it has been every single time in the last couple of millennia that some loony tunes announced it.  Do not give all your money away to a shady pseudo-religious organisation, do not build a shelter in the back of beyond and for grief's sake, don't forget to brush your teeth at night!

Top 10 Reasons The World Will Won’t End on December 21, 2012 | Top 10 Lists | TopTenz.net

Are you looking, like many, to reduce the amount you pay for your bills?  If that is the same in your case, it may be an idea to look around for .  You may not be aware of it but there is a website – – that can help you start saving immediately.

The best cell phone plans are always hard to find and so that’s why we thought we would direct you to a website designed with the sole intention of making your life financially easier.  The can be found there and you may also spot other elements of the website that appeal to your new recession busting spending habits.  are the most competitive you will find.

Take a look at the on the site.   You know the strengths of technology so why not let the people over at do the hard work for you?  Their powerful software will help you save money almost in under a minute.  It's definitely worth a look!

Yeah it's that time of year again.  However, we are not always sweetness and light here.  Instead of the usual Valentines sloppiness here we present a guid to the women of the world.  With our tongues ever so slightly in our cheeks!
Do you ever wonder if your man is cheating on you or is still sweet?  Worry no more!  Instead of hiring expensive (and sometimes rather smelly) Private Investigators, follow this simple guide to discover whether your man is a low down dog or still a faithful Fido.

We present to you here a variety of signs which may – or may not – indicate your man is putting it where it doesn’t belong.  Simply award points for each sign and add them up.  Follow the quick-and-easy points system below and add them up as you go along. The results section at the end of this page will then inform you whether your suspicions are well-founded or you are simply a crazy, delusional mad woman.

There is also a short section at the end which makes suggestions about what to do with the money you saved by not hiring those PIs.  This will, of course, depend on the results!

So, for each of the signs you will be given, you must award yourself either none, one, two or three points.  Adding them up will give you the end result which will prove – absolutely and with no element of doubt – whether or not your man is cheating on you.  First of all, the points system.  No points if this has never happened, one point if you have noticed it a little, two if it seems to happen quite often.  Finally, three points if you notice it all the time

So, ready? Let’s go!

TIME

Have you noticed recently that your guy is spending less and less time with you?  Do you get that inevitable call at around five in the afternoon and the message that he must, again, spend more time at work?  That pesky manager of his has called yet another meeting.  Those deadlines keep getting tougher all the time. 

This may of course be the truth.  However, less time with you is more time with someone else.  Are you sure it is with his manager? And if so, is her name Felicity? Is she twenty five?  Does she look like a young Jessica Rabbit? Worry, girl.

APPEARANCE


Have you noticed any change in the way he looks? Is he spending more time in the bathroom (without those magazines)?  Has he started talking about L’Oreal in its proper context, when previously he thought it was a small town in France?  What about his clothing?  How many new shirts has he bought recently – that is, gone in to a shop and bought for himself rather than casually thanking you for buying them for him?  Has he changed his hairstyle, or worse, has he begun to color his hair to hide that little bit of grey you thought was so cute? 

Perhaps he has decided to brush up on his image.  Thinking back to his manager: when you realized, with some relief, that he is managed by a man, did you recall ever meeting the manager’s partner at the company bash? And was he called Gerald? If so, worry, girl.  Some worms do indeed turn. 
















TRANSPORTATION

Has he changed the car recently? Has he gone from that safe, middle of the road mode of vehicular transport to a new flash Saab or Subaru?  If not, then closely inspect the car for those subtle signs.  Has the passenger seat been moved back to make room for legs impossibly longer than your own?  Is there a stray long blond hair which can’t possibly be yours because he like yours short?  Check the radio – is the channel the one he loves to listen to (Queen, Iron Maiden and so on) or do you get Whitney Houston with “I Will Love You” when you turn it on?  This could indicate the presence of either Gerald or Felicity so check the glove compartment.  If it is spotlessly tidy, he thinks he is being clever.  Remember, men only tidy for a good reason.

Of course, perhaps he gave an old gentleman who owns a long haired Labrador a lift back from the Mall (where he had been buying another new shirt).  Perhaps his musical tastes have changed and hell is about to freeze over.  Or perhaps he was simply trying to find his portable razor (in that attempt to brush up his appearance) and decided to clean up the glove compartment while he was at it. If not then worry, girl.

AFFECTION
Have you noticed that when you go to hug him he shies away and folds his arms?  This is surely a sign that he has wandered.  Then, when you finish watching that old Patrick Swayze film and go to the den to get a little action, do you find him way too busy on his laptop to give you any attention?  When you are out shopping and you put your hand in his, does he suddenly find something urgent that needs to be done with it, like take a new shirt off a rack and stare at it thoughtfully?  When you look meaningfully in to his eyes with that unspoken suggestion do you get a similar look to the one that rabbit gave you when you caught it in your headlights last week? If so, worry, girl!

MONEY

When you first met your guy, was he financially solvent? If yes, then what seems to be the matter with his bank balance at the moment? Suddenly, he has no money to spend anymore, certainly not on you.  It all seems to go on new shirts, L’Oreal and Whitney Houston CDs.  He used to leave his bank statements lying around, didn’t he, in one of those contrived ways men do to impress the new lady?  Where are they now?  Not strewn all over the house as they used to be, that’s for sure. 

Of course, he could be reassessing his financial position and saving up for that engagement ring you’ve been hoping for over the last, oh, seven years or so.  If monetary impecunity continues with no resultant round gold thing, worry, girl.


TEMPER
Have you always felt that you are secure in yourself and your relationships?  Have you prided yourself on your lack of jealously and envy when it comes to your men?  Then why is it that he is suddenly rounding on you and calling you nosey, possessive and insecure when you ask him the name of his manager and does he really have to work late this evening because you have just spent the last four days planning and preparing the perfect meal? It is well known that the cheat often uses offence as defense when it comes to covering his tracks.

Of course, it could just be his time of the month.  Or the mid-life crisis may be starting, even though he is only twenty eight.  If not, then worry, girl.

COMMUNICATIONS TECHNOLOGY

Think back to the time you watched the old Swayze movie and went to the den.  When you opened the door did he turn from the laptop hurriedly while, at the same time, slapping the lid shut with such great speed you are sure you heard a cracking noise?  Has he recently gone to high speed internet connection?  Has the word MSN crept furtively in to his vocabulary when before now he thought it was a medical condition?  Then he is probably having covert conversations with Felicity or Gerald. 

Or perhaps not.  He could be shopping on line for that ring.  He could be arranging a surprise birthday party for you and is doing it in plenty of time because it’s not for nine months and every detail must be correct.  If you don’t want it to be your party with you crying if you want to, then worry, girl.

CELL PHONE
Did he always leave his cell phone on and discarded (like his bills) around the house?  Does he turn it off all the time now so that he cannot receive calls when he is with you?  Does he receive a text, grunt with pleasure when reading it and then give you a furtive look?  Does he take calls and say something like “I can’t talk right now,” and then give you yet another “look of furtivity”?

Well, perhaps it’s all about that party he is arranging for you. Perhaps it’s going to be the surprise of your life and he has to, at all costs, keep it a secret.  Yes, that’s it.  Don’t worry, girl!









SMELL



Check those new shirts?  Do they smell of more than residual L’Oreal?  What are the smells?  Are they smokey? He gave up before you met. What about perfume?  Or alcohol? Has he been going to bars instead of doing that overtime with Felicity or Gerald?  Use that nose you were born with!

Of course, he could have been checking out the venue for your surprise (engagement?) party and the party planner could have been a smoker who wore too much perfume.  That will probably be it.  There needs to be at least forty or fifty meetings of this kind for a really good surprise party.  No need to worry, girl!

GUILT

You feel so guilty!  Why did you worry about any of this at all?  You just went out – he wouldn’t tell you where you were going.  When you got there you discovered it was a surprise party which he had been planning for ages! A party just for you, a party he arranged for no evident reason.  Just because he loves you so much.

Plus you got engaged.  What, no?  No ring at all?  No hint of proposal? Surely, this was THE evening he could have popped the question, with all your friends and family around.  After all, he knows you’re going to say a great big yes and jump in to his arms.

So why the party?  Think, girl!  Who is the one with guilty thoughts after all?


 


















RESULTS

If you scored between 0 and 5
Well done!  You have a guy who is honest, faithful and, well, quite frankly boring.  It is obvious that you are only together because he can’t attract someone prettier, richer, thinner and more intelligent than you. Dump him.

If you scored between 6 and 10
Not bad at all!  Your guy is obviously a sensitive type who wouldn’t stray far from you if he could, which he obviously can’t.  Either because he won’t or he can’t.  However, there is that tiny, tiny doubt in your mind.  Honestly, if you can’t trust your man one hundred percent, what can you do? Dump him.

If you scored between 11 and 15
Mmm.  There is a little room for doubt in your mind.  Not much, but just enough.  Still, it could be worse.  However, if he shows this little get up and go about having affairs, what sort of long term relationship can you look forward to?  Boring, tedious and yawn inducing that’s what.  Dump him.

If you scored between 16 and 20
He has the capacity to be a naughty boy, doesn’t he?  In a half way house kind of way, that is.  He should really do things properly or not at all.  If you stay with this guy your house is going to fall down around your ears as he will always say he is going to get those DIY jobs finished but he never, ever will. Dump him.

If you scored between 21 and 25
Now.  This guy means business, but not, more is the pity, with you.  Whether it’s with Felicity or Gerald he is up to no good.  Get your scissors out and wreck his new clothes.  Rip the leather upholstery in his brand new car.  Spill some paint on his laptop.  Then, dump him.

If you scored between 26 and 30
Er, just dump him, girl.  Then kill him. Chop him up in to tiny pieces and cook him up as a casserole.


And finally….

What can you do with that money you could have wasted on a Private Investigator?  Here is just one suggestion to start your thinking on the subject.  Go on to one of the many last minute flights websites and book a ticket for a month in Rio.  Once there, head for the beach and spend the rest on it on a guy called Michelangelo or Juan or Pedro.  He may not, like pets, be for life but boy oh boy; your Christmas will have come early.

Please use the comment space below to give us your ideas about what to do with the money!